Dear Riku
by Fire Kitten
Summary: [RikuSora] All Sora wanted to do was tell Riku his secret. But not even letters worked here. [Songfic, AU]


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kingdom Hearts. The song 'Dear Jamie' belongs to HelloGoodbye

**Rating:** PG

**Summary:** All Sora wanted to do was tell Riku his secret. But not even letters worked here.

**Warnings:** Shounen-ai

**Pairing:** Riku/Sora

* * *

_Dear Jamie,  
I've got a letter I would like to send.  
It's lacking strings of words with punctuation at the ends. _

_But should I trust this dialect  
To convey the right effect? _

dear riku

i really really really really really reaaaaaallly like you do you like me back (circle answer and please give it back)

yes no

Nine-year-old Sora looked at the slightly crumpled paper in his hands full with his heartfelt confession that he had wrote during math time, then shyly gazed across the playground to where the ten-year-old silver-haired boy – his best and much more popular friend – was, racing across the basketball field like he owned it.

The other boy was so graceful, like a butterfly, weaving around the other younger kids, fluttering away and escaping grasping hands skillfully. Riku bounced on his heels as he threw the shot and it fell into the hoop – Riku _never_ missed.

Green eyes caught sight of him and Riku waved. "Come on Sora! You can be on my team!"

Sora took one last glance at the paper, the paper meant for the pretty boy currently luring him into a game. The paper that was full of his incredibly secret crush that soon would be not-so secret once he gave it to the other.

He crushed the letter up in a ball, throwing it into the trash bin.

"Coming!"

_Dear Jamie,  
I've got some things I'd like to set in pen.  
I would have used a pencil, but lead's just not permanent.  
Should I trust my printer's ink  
To express the things I think?_

I like you. I always have because your so bautiful

"Argh!" Thirteen-year-old Sora raged, angrily swiping his pen across the words, effectively hiding them behind black ink. How did he misspell beautiful?! That was only like the easiest word in the whole dictionary!

He ripped the paper in half, rolling the halved sheets into two separate balls and throwing them in his trash bin – which was already overflowing with numerous failed attempts.

He looked towards his computer wistfully. If he wasn't out of ink, he would have written it that way. At least then he wouldn't misspell anything. Why oh why couldn't his mom go to the store and buy him more? His courage wouldn't last forever!

"Sora, dinner!"

The brunette sighed, unhappily getting to his feet and trudging out of his room. Maybe he'd do better after supper.

His mother looked up when Sora trekked into the kitchen, plopping down into his seat. "Oh and Riku called. He wanted to know if you wanted to sleep over tonight. It's fine with me if you do."

It was unfortunate, but Sora never did get back to his letter that night.

_Every page I tried my best to think of something to contest with  
Inside jokes and other folks who've got much more to say._

"Hey Riku, I hear that Norika has a crush on you." Fourteen-year-old Kairi giggled, leaning across their lunch table as if she was sharing a big secret.

"Who?" Riku asked dismissively, taking a bite out of his ham sandwich.

"She's the girl in my English class. You know the one who wears her hair up in a ponytail all the time and has that pink purse?"

Riku shook his eyes, patiently explaining, "I don't date freshmen Kairi. I'm a sophomore, I've got a date above not below."

"She's really nice Riku!" Kairi argued. "And she said if you went out with her she'd give you her CD collection."

"Hmm then maybe I'll give her a chance." The other teenager said, taking another bite of his sandwich. Extra mustard, just like he liked it.

Neither noticed how their fourteen-year-old friend, Sora, had frozen or was suddenly picking at his food like he had lost his appetite – _Sora_ of all people who had the stomach to fit a whole pizza and a half and still be hungry. The nervous brunette suddenly stood, feeling queasy. "I'll be right back. Bathroom." He explained hurriedly before vaulting from their table and to the boys' bathroom.

Sora leaned against the white tiles, thankful he was alone and waited until his stomach decided to stop doing nervous somersaults. He reached into his pocket, pulling out his gift. It was a little 25 cent piece of nothing really – a thoughtless indulge buy from one of those candy machines from the mall – however the lucky return had immediately reminded him of Riku.

It was a necklace, a dragon made of cheap metal that was held aloft by a soft black rope meant to act as a chain. He fingered it. "Idiot. You're such an idiot. You can't compare to CDs." Sora angrily gripped the pendant, snapping it in half before carelessly throwing it behind him.

The door slammed behind him and the little dragon, now in two pieces, lay forgotten at the bottom of the dirty sink where Sora's heart now was.

_Dear Jamie,  
This envelope will represent my heart.  
I'll seal it, send it off, and wish it luck with it's depart.  
This stamp will be every action that carry my affection  
Across the air, and land, and sea.  
Should I trust the postage due?  
To deliver my heart to you_

Dear Riku,

Please hear me out before you throw this away and please don't freak out. I know you're dating Misty now and that's okay – I know you're probably going to stay with her even after I pour my heart out to you but still just keep reading okay?

I don't want you to hate me, please don't. It's just I can't keep this a secret anymore. I've liked you for as long as I can remember. Really liked you. This is going to sound really creepy and stalker-like but whenever we had sleepovers I went to bed last just to watch you sleep.

You know all those times I told you that you had something in your hair and I was taking it out for you? I was lying just so I could touch it. It's really nice and soft. I'm not sure how you do that, we use the same shampoo!

Remember when I grabbed your hand during that thunderstorm at your fifteen birthday party and said it was accident. That I was scared? Yeah I was lying. I actually really love thunderstorms. Lightning is really pretty and it reminds me of you.

I should probably stop, all this is sounding a little weird. Well I mean it's probably going to be bad enough to accept I'm gay and I know you're not but if I keep this silent any longer I might shoot myself. Please Riku, even if you can't return my feelings or even if you can't accept that I'm gay, don't stop being my friend, please?

I think that's all I really wanted to say. Thanks for listening or well in this case reading.

With Love,

Sora

Sixteen-year-old Sora hurriedly stuffed the letter in an envelope and licked it closed. He paused momentarily and before he could chicken out wrote S.W.A.K – Sealed With A Kiss – across the back. He turned it over, speedily writing down an address he could probably recite faster than his own, completing the letter by sticking on a yellow return address and a green stamp.

"Done!" Sora announced to the currently empty house before rushing out the front door and down the driveway to the family mailbox.

He paused, looking at the gray colored box with the bright red flag, there address numbers engraved on the side and painted blue. He bit his lip nervously, opening the little door, but his hand with his love letter hovered uncertainly at the threshold.

Was it too sappy? Was it too girly? Was it worth it? What if Riku hated him after this? What if he lost his best friend forever – or worse what if Riku got a restraining order against him? What if he never saw the other again?

He'd really be miserable then! He'd never want to jeopardize their friendship – sure his heart may twist painfully each time he saw Riku and Misty together and wished it was Riku and him. Sure his eyes watered each time he saw Riku kissing another girl. Sure his stomach would twist nervously each time they talked while Sora had his confession on the tip of his tongue ready to spill out. But, he'd been dealing with this for years, what was a few more? Or even forever? As long as Riku didn't go away, it couldn't get any worse right?

Sora drew his hand away, quietly snapping the mailbox door shut. He dragged his feet as he walked back through the door, kicking it closed. As he passed the shredder, he didn't pause to stick the envelope in it, listening contently as the machine whirred to life and cruelly cut up the letter he worked so hard to write.

He dejectedly trudged towards his room, shoulders slumped pathetically and an unhappy frown upon his face, all thoughts of confessing utterly wiped from his mind.

_Every page I tried my best to think of something to contest with  
Inside jokes and other folks who've got much more to say_

Seventeen-year-old Sora neatly set the book into the cardboard box, trying to get as many in as the small space would allow. "Jeez, Riku, read much?" Sora joked.

"Jeez Riku, shop much?" Kairi continued, taking clothes off their hangers and folding them tidily before placing them in a suitcase. "You have more clothes than Selphie!"

"Oh shut up." Riku snapped, tightly packaging his stereo up with as much newspaper padding as he could. "I don't even wear half of it, Mom just buys it all. And just because you can't Sora doesn't give you permission to tease me about it."

The brunette childishly stuck out his tongue at the other. "I can read, I just find it boring. School took away the pleasure."

"Well, in one year when you and Kairi join me at DIC you'll have to learn how. I hear the English professors there make you read a book a week."

"A week!" Sora cried, horrified. "I'm gonna die!"

Kairi giggled. "Poor you, Sora." The one in question just groaned as she continued. "So, are you excited Riku?"

"It's just a community college." The silver-haired almost-adult said noncommittally. "It's nothing special."

"At least you'll be with Wakka." The auburn haired female pointed out with a smile, folding up some pants.

"Yeah," Sora intoned, sneaking an unsure glance Riku's way. "And he's been talking about the girls all week. He says when you two went to orientation they were total hotties."

"Yeah, they were good-looking and a lot more mature too." Riku said with a small smile, fingering the newspaper in his hand idly.

Sora had expected the answer, but it didn't stop his heart from cracking a little more or his stomach from sinking down to his toes. He stuffed a few more books into the box with a little more force than was needed.

"But it's not the same." The silver-haired male added suddenly and he glanced his friends' ways determinedly. "I'm going to visit every weekend – count on it. It's only two hours away and I'd get bored without being able to bug you two."

"But Riku," Kairi started, concerned, "Gas is so expensive."

"Don't care. I'll get a job. DIC is just a temporary stay, this is my real home. Besides, how will Sora pass math without me?" He responded, glancing the brunette's way.

Sora flittered on a cheerful grin. "Get real Riku, you just can't resist my charm and sexy good looks."

Riku rolled his eyes. "Oh yes, I'm totally hot for you Sora."

The two laughed – one believing it was all a joke, the other desperately wishing that was the truth.

_Every page I tried my best to fill with something to contest with  
Inside jokes and other folks who've got much more to say_

"Come on Sora, drink up!" Riku cheered, setting the alcoholic drink in front of his best friend.

Eighteen-year-old Sora gazed at it like it was poison.

"It's your birthday!" The nineteen-year-old insisted jovially. "You're supposed to celebrate."

Sora gave his best friend a calculating look. "What happened to parties full of ice cream cake and piñatas and silly little sleepovers?"

"We grew up. Besides, this is more special. Now chug it down!" Riku said, nursing his own drink before holding it up. "Cheers!"

Sora sighed, lifting his and the glasses clinked merrily. He had to give Riku his props though; the other had really worked hard for this. Abandoning time with his newest girlfriend – Melanie – and driving 120 miles just to see him, then demanding they have a 'Boy's Night Out' complete with late night movies and spending time in this dingy old bar – and actually managing to get them in and get _drinks_ – even though Sora's birthday crashed right in the middle of Riku's Finals Week (It sucked to be a Gemini) and the other older teen was probably very busy trying to study, was nothing short of a miracle.

Nevertheless, he was entirely grateful. This birthday just wouldn't have been the same without his best friend. So that was why Sora forced himself to lift up the drink and take a sip.

And then another.

And another.

And another.

A few drinks later, Sora was pleasantly drunk and couldn't understand why he suddenly found Riku so hilarious. "Hey, Ri, gimme 'nother one o' these." He slurred, indicating his empty glass.

"I think you've had enough." The other said, a small smile on his face.

Sora burst into laughter, laying his head down on the table, the cool wood pleasant against his flushed cheeks. "This where I say 'I'll tell you when I had 'nough?' and make a big scene?"

"I'd prefer you didn't, but if you must." The other chuckled.

Even when he was half out of it, it was still a pleasant sound. "'Iku you have a pretty laugh."

"Oh yeah, you're definitely drunk."

"No, I mean it!" Sora lifted his head, pounding a fist down on the table as if that would make everything clear. "Pretty hair and eyes too! And, and… what was I saying again?" He slumped back down onto the table.

"Alright, I think it's time to get you home."

"And a nice, pretty voice." Sora mumbled. "'Iku? How we gonna get home?"

"I'm still sober." Riku chuckled, standing and sauntering around the circular table to Sora's side. "Come on."

The brunette shivered as strong arms wrapped around his waist and helped him to his feet. They didn't let go, even as Sora stumbled and stepped on Riku's toes. Riku would never let him go, would he?

Suddenly overcome with drunk-induced emotions, he swung up his arms, clasping them around Riku's neck, bringing them into a strange half-hug and declared loudly, "I love you 'Iku!" He sloppily kissed the other on the lips.

And the next day, when Riku was holding back Sora's hair as the boy threw up and guiltily offering some painkillers for the massive headache, Sora would remember nothing.

Riku would remember it all.

_Give you all I can  
Flower and a hand  
I hope this helps you see  
Signed,  
Sincerely me. _

Twenty-year-old Riku proudly set down his associate's degree, carelessly flinging off his graduation cap. It wasn't over yet, he still had four more years to go of torturous psychology courses before he could be free but he was ready for it. He would be a psychoanalyst if it killed him.

He looked around the small dorm that had been his room for the past two years, full of memories of staying up into the wee hours of the morning studying for tests, getting drunk, and Sora visiting at odd hours of the day only to drag him out into the wide world beyond. It wasn't quite home, but with Sora and Kairi and many other familiar faces there it had been close.

And tomorrow, he'd be packing up and heading out again, this time to DIU, his time at this little college forsaken and forgotten. He could only hope his friends would follow him there too.

He faintly noticed his roommate was not back yet – probably out partying still. He glanced at his bed, strewn with graduation presents from admirers and parents and friends that he had yet to open. Many were brightly wrapped or placed in shimmering bags with merry and colorful tissue paper overflowing from the tops.

Just as Riku was about to pounce on the gifts, a knock at the door halted him. He sighed, a tad disappointed that his splurging would have to wait, and trudged over to the door. Seeing a nervous-looking Sora on the other side, however, completely erased the idea of present-opening.

Something about the way the nineteen-year-old was fretfully rocking on his feet, a hand behind his back like a guilty child, sent alarm bells off through Riku's head. "What's up?"

"I uh well," Sora paused, biting his lip and Riku recognized the gesture instantly. Years of friendship made it easy to pick out when the brunette was trying to stall.

"Sora?" He pushed.

"I just I…" Sora took a deep breath. "I forgot… I forgot to give you your graduation gift."

"That's alright." Riku nodded and waited patiently for another gift-wrapped box that he would have to open.

He was duly shocked when Sora held out his hand and revealed not a gift but a delicate white rose. He knew back from his botany class that it represented innocence, friendship and secrecy.

"Sora…" Riku breathed, feeling his heart give a pleasant little shudder.

"I wanted to get a red one but they were all out." Sora mumbled almost inaudibly, a brilliant blush spreading across his cheeks. "Besides, this reminded me of your hair."

Riku, speechless, reached out and took the flower, careful to not touch the thorns. That's when he noticed a curious slip of paper was wrapped painstakingly around the stem and words in a very small print were meticulously written upon it.

Riku brought the flower close to read:

Dear Riku, I love you, Sincerely Me

* * *

A/N: Wrote this for a contest. Kitten-chan on deviant-art. She's got a cute Riku/Sora comic called Memory Lane, be sure to check it out! 

Comments? Concerns? You want to give me a cookie? Tell me!


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